Summer is ending and the Halloween stores are springing up fast. The autumn is upon us with all of its crisp, harvesting glory.
The time for fall festivals and haunted houses and bonfires emerges as the hot summer sun fades and the pool water is emptied out and the beaches get a break from the relentless trampling of tourists' feet.
Women are flocking to their nearest coffee shop to indulge in the sweet flow of pumpkin spice lattes and the men are quenching their thirst with seasonal pumpkin brews.
Some people love pumpkin spice cookies, coffees, teas, beer, pancakes, donuts, beef jerky, and all sorts of wild edibles. Other people, well, they hate it. Every year the pumpkin spice products get weirder and weirder, with a poised social media eager to shame it.
Here some some of the weirdest pumpkin spice products to ever hit the market. Hopefully it keeps getting more and more weird. I look forward to seeing what's next.
The Weirdest Pumpkin Spice Products
I enjoy a good craft pumpkin beer just like my wife enjoys her pumpkin spice lattes. We may even get some of the pumpkin spiced donuts or cookies with our pumpkin spice tea.
We love Halloween and we love pumpkin spice beverages and food. But is there a limit on the weirdness of some of these pumpkin spiced products? Have we as a society plummeted into the dark reaches of the absurd that transcends our ordinary crass consumerism? Perhaps we have.
Here is some evidence that we may just be bat shit crazy for pumpkin spice. They would not keep making this stuff if we weren't buying it.
Pumpkin Spice Body Wash
This one is mildly weird in a way. To love pumpkin spice so much that you not only have to drink copious amounts of pumpkin spice coffee and beer, but you also have to smell like it all day with pumpkin spice body wash? Weird, but at least it's a pleasing aroma.
Pumpkin Spice Caviar
While caviar is a delicacy the world over, to many people it is quite bizarre all by itself and they would probably never eat it. What could make it even weirder? Throw some pumpkin spice in there to mix things up. Yes, pumpkin spice caviar is now a thing.
Pumpkin Spice Dog Beer And Donuts
People love their dogs, we get it, but do they have to be forced to consume pumpkin spiced dog beer and donuts just because their Halloween loving parents are weird? Hey, I guess there's worse things to feed the beloved family dog.
Pumpkin Spice Trash Bags
If you use enough pumpkin spice products, you probably won't need pumpkin spice trash bags to fill your home with the scent of autumn. But just in case you weren't going overboard with the pumpkin spice stuff, make sure your trash smells its best with pumpkin spice trash bags.
Pumpkin Spice Engagement Ring
When pumpkin spice coffee lovers are truly in love with each other as well as pumpkin spice everything, they can propose marriage with Angelic Diamonds' pumpkin spice engagement ring.
The ring features white diamonds and orange sapphires arranged to resemble the foam on top of a pumpkin spice latte. The ring comes in a pumpkin shaped and scented clasp that is made to look like the sleeve that protects your hands from hot coffee.
Pumpkin Spice Dude Wipes
Yes, as it sounds, this is a product made for wiping your ass. Why shouldn't your ass smell like pumpkin spice after a hearty a dump? If pumpkin spice is going into you and out of you, might as well keep everything clean with the scent of pumpkin, right?
Pumpkin Spice Soap On A Rope
Need a gift idea for the imprisoned felon in your life? Look no further. Now you can get pumpkin spice soap that's conveniently tied to a rope so that your loved ones in the ol' stony lonesome won't have to bend over to retrieve their fallen soap. A gift that keeps giving.
In Conclusion
As the season draws near, make sure you're not out of the pumpkin spice zeitgeist. Keep your pumpkin spice lattes and beer, but don't be outranked by other die-hard Halloween fans who are wiping their arses with pumpkin spice wet wipes and proposing marriage with pumpkin spice engagement rings.
