There are a few universal truths in life. Pizza tastes better cold at 2 a.m. You always pick the wrong checkout line at Target. And yes—disc golf is objectively better than sex.
Yeah, I said it.
Before you start throwing your driver at me like I’m a heretic on hole 7, let’s walk through this together.
Because let’s be real: you don’t always leave sex satisfied, but a clean birdie putt? That’ll have you grinning like a suburban dad who just discovered Costco samples.
1. The Duration Is Actually Up to You
Sex comes with… unpredictability. Sometimes it’s over quicker than an Amazon Prime checkout. Sometimes it drags longer than a lecture from your boss about “synergy.”
But disc golf? You control the pace. Want a quick nine before work? Done. Want to drag it out for a full 18 with friends, craft beers, and philosophical debates about whether a putter counts as a “driver if you believe in it enough”? That’s your call. No pressure, no awkward timer, no “Was that it?”
2. No Weird Morning-After Texts
Look, disc golf has never ghosted me. I’ve never woken up and thought: Should I text the basket to thank it for last night? Nope. I just grab my bag, stretch out my sore shoulder, and do it again tomorrow.
3. It’s Cheaper
Let’s crunch some numbers, because I’m a nerd who once made a spreadsheet for my discs.
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A premium disc: $18.
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A solid putter: $12.
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A round at your local course: free.
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Sex? Well, if you count the dinners, drinks, subscriptions, therapy, and inevitable Target runs that follow—let’s just say your putter isn’t running up your credit card balance.
4. More Variety, Less Risk
In disc golf, variety is celebrated. Forehand, backhand, tomahawk, roller—you experiment without needing anyone’s awkward consent forms. And unlike sex, you don’t have to Google, “Is it normal that it burns after?”
5. You Can Brag About It Publicly
Bragging about sex in public? Creepy. Bragging about your -3 at Maple Hill? Legendary. People actually clap for you. You can even post your scorecard on Instagram without your aunt calling you “inappropriate.”
6. The Gear Is Way Cooler
Let’s be honest: lube doesn’t look half as cool as a glow-in-the-dark disc. And while lingerie might be fun, it doesn’t have the longevity of a well-loved Innova Destroyer. I mean, when was the last time a bra shaved two strokes off your score?
7. Everybody Can Join
Sex, by nature, is usually a two-person game (unless you’re living some… advanced lifestyle). But disc golf? Bring three friends, six friends, or a whole league of middle-aged dads with fanny packs. The more the merrier. Nobody’s jealous. Nobody’s crying. Just chains.
8. No Awkward Cleanup
When you finish a round of disc golf, cleanup is simple: toss your disc in the trunk, maybe crack open a Gatorade. After sex? Sheets, showers, laundry, explanations. Disc golf just says, “See you next time, champ.”
9. It Actually Gets Better with Age
Your “performance” in the bedroom may, let’s say, plateau around your mid 40s. But disc golf? Oh man, you get wiser. Smarter shots. More finesse. The old guys are always running the league. By 50, you may be past your “prime” elsewhere, but in disc golf? You’re a sage, a Jedi master of plastic.
10. The Chains Always Clap for You
At the end of the day, the most beautiful part of disc golf is that moment: the disc hits chains, the basket sings, and you feel like the gods themselves are applauding.
And that, my friends, is better than any awkward high-five afterward.
Final Thoughts
I’m not saying sex is bad. I’m just saying disc golf is more reliable, more fun, and probably less disappointing. (And honestly, if you bring your partner out to the course, you could technically have both—just don’t get caught by the ranger.)
So next time someone asks why you spend every Saturday morning at the course instead of “sleeping in with your significant other,” tell them the truth: disc golf is better than sex. And unlike sex, you can do it twice a day and still have enough energy for tacos after.
👉 Ready to prove it? Check out our Funny Disc Golf Shirts Collection—because while chains may clap for your putt, your shirt should clap for your personality.
