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Nurse Jokes That Will Keep You in Stitches

Nurse Jokes That Will Keep You in Stitches

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Nurses are the beautiful, wonderful people who make us feel good even when circumstances demand that we feel anything but.

While the whole world is casting its judgment on you for jumping your motorcycle on a shoddy homemade ramp and crashing your bike into a tree, breaking several bones, nurses are there to make you feel like everything is going to be okay.

For whatever reason you end up in the hospital, nurses are there to take care of you and make you feel like a human being who matters.

We love you, nurses! You truly are heroes!

As a way of saying thanks to the awesome nurses out there, we thought we would write some hilariously funny jokes for nurses, to give them some laughs and enjoyment.

These jokes are for you!

Nurse My Job Is To Save Your Ass Not Kiss It Shirt

Nurse Jokes


  1. With sincere curiosity, a patient asks his nurse, "Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?" The nurse smiled and answered, "Yes, if you throw it hard enough."

  2. What did the vampire say to the nurse? Please help, I can't stop coffin.

  3. Why did the peanut go to the emergency room? He was a salted.

  4. What did the chocolate chip cookie say to the nurse? I feel crumby.

  5. How do transplant nurses keep their workstations? organ-ized.

  6. Why did the nurse need a red colored pencil? He needed to draw blood.

  7. A nurse asks the blood donor how they are feeling. The blood donor answered, "Very tired. This is such a draining process."

  8. A computer bursts into the hospital and demands to see a doctor immediately. The nurse, very concerned, asked, "What's wrong?" The computer said, "I think I have a virus."

  9. Why are nurses so good at boxing? Because they're excellent jabbers.

  10. What happened to the podiatrist and the nurse who had a falling out? They became arch enemies.

  11. Why do nurses stay out of wooded areas? Too much poison IV.

  12. What did the pediatric nurse say to one of the fathers who was annoying her? "Sir, I have very little patients today."

  13. What alcoholic drinks do nurses like? Booster shots.

  14. What did the nurse shout when the doctor called out of work? "Suture self!"

  15. Why do nurses make great explorers and map makers? They're excellent at charting.

  16. What did the banana say to the nurse? I'm not peeling quite like myself today.

  17. When it was time to give an injection, what did the seasoned nurse say to the nurse in training? "Give it your best shot."

  18. Did you hear about the nurse who died and went to Hell? It took her a month to realize she wasn't at work anymore!

  19. A man was yelling at a nurse for something she didn't do. Another man, seeing her calm demeanor, asked the nurse, "Why aren't you getting angry at this lunatic? She replied, "I have a lot of patients."

  20. A maternity nurse frantically called out of work. She was having a mid-wife crisis.

  21. What do you say when a nurse gives a flawless injection? Good jab.

  22. What did the nurse say to the man who collapsed at the airport? "You have a terminal illness."

Well, there you have it ladies and gentlemen, some of the greatest and lamest nurse jokes ever told!

We hope you had as much fun reading these as much as we did writing them. Have an awesome day, and remember, patients is a virtue.

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