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Funny Chess Jokes

Funny Chess Jokes

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Chess is a game of strategy, class and sophistication that many people around the world play and enjoy.

If you're anything like me, you played chess constantly in high school and aspired to be a grandmaster.

Well, my plans to be the next Bobby Fischer never panned out, but 20-some years later, I still enjoy playing a good game of chess.

It's a great sport.

And yes, Chess is a sport.

Because I love chess so much, I thought it would be great to combine my passion for writing with my passion for chess and come up with some awesome chess jokes.

Fair warning though; some of these are so cheesy, they might even be considered dad jokes. But you'll laugh at at least one of these, I guarantee it!

Let's get started!

I Play Chess And I Know Things Shirt


Chess Jokes


  1. Why did Bob Seger stay up until 3 a.m. playing chess? He was working on his Knight Moves.

  2. What did the Eastern European chess player call his wife? His Czech-mate.

  3. How come the chess player's store went out of business? It had a bad opening.

  4. Why was the pawn so sad and depressed? He was isolated.

  5. What do the X-Men call their chess openings? Gambits.

  6. What did the chess player call his wife after she got a big raise at work? His promoted Queen.

  7. A chess player tossed a loaf of bread in the trash. His roommate, furious, yells "Why did you throw away my bread!" To which the chess player replied, "It was stale, mate."

  8. What did the chess player nickname his crazy coworker at their locksmith job? Boris Spazz Key.

  9. Where do chess gods live? Olympiad.

  10. Why did the chess player chip his tooth while eating dinner? It was a hard fork.

  11. Why did the chess player bring a pad of paper and a pencil to the tournament? In case there was a draw.

  12. Why couldn't the chess match be killed? It was an immortal game.

  13. What do chess players call house hunting? Castling.

  14. Two chess players are eating lunch at a cafe. The waitress brings over the bill. One of the men nods and says, "I'll get the check, mate."

  15. Why was one Knight never afraid to play the other in a game of chess? His opponent was Sir Render.

  16. What's a chess player's favorite part of New York City? Queens.

  17. What do chess players sleep on? KING-sized mattresses.

  18. Where did the chess player buy his new jewelry? At the pawn shop.

  19. What do you call two drunk chess players who passed out by the campfire? Chess nuts roasting on an open fire.

  20. Why was there a wanted poster up for the chess player? Too many bad checks.

  21. What do you call a chess piece with a low IQ? A backward pawn.

  22. Did you hear about what happened to the chess player in court the other day? The judge threw the rook at him!

  23. Why were the chess pieces tapping their feet? Because they were in a bored game.

  24. Why did the king stop going to church? The Bishop stole his Queen.

  25. Why did the chess player call 911? He was having chess pains.

  26. Why did the chess player quit the military? He felt like a pawn.

  27. What kind of cars do chess players drive? The Volkswagen En Passant

  28. How do chess players eat Ramen? With a fork!


There you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the best and lamest chess jokes of all time hanging out together in one room.


We hope you enjoyed these humorous chess jokes. Now it's time to grab some coffee and play another game of chess!

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